The Death of a Sewing Machine

I have a sewing machine. My sewing machine is named Neffi. She is a Bernina, and she has seen me through many theater shows, and many sewing projects. My heart is broke.

Let me try this again. Up until 30 minutes ago i HAD a sewing machine. her name WAS Neffi, and she WAS a Bernina.

Now she’s just a stupid chunk of metal that only runs backwards. No. REALLY. She sews back wards.

At first i thought is was a jammed reverse button. No problem. Couldn’t I just jimmy it a little with a screw driver? HA! NO! not even with a CROWBAR. The button is fine. The button is NOT jammed. Neffi is just possessed by the devil.
And this brings up a disturbing question. if my sewing machine is possessed by the devil, then will the effects of the possession stop at just sewing backwards, and only doing a basting stitch length? What if my sewing skitters across the floor while I sleep and starts chanting voodoo curses in my ears, and then i wake up and I’m a 95 year old crone?

Do priest’s even DO exorcisms on machines? And if they do, then doesn’t that mean that my sewing machine has an eternal soul?

Perplexing. I leave you to ponder this.

The moral of the story is that my sewing machine broke and needs a doctor. In the mean time, I’m going to padlock it in a steamer trunk and bury it in the back yard. I don’t want it to put the voodoo-hoodoo on me!

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One thought on “The Death of a Sewing Machine

  1. I loved this post. I work in marketing for an IT company where I’m having to promote fixing and maintaining computers. That means I’m creative, not technical, by the way. I had a great, deep belly laugh reading your post. It also reminded me of my last encounter with my sewing machine, something my husband salvaged from beside the road 20 years ago and that perhaps it is time to buy a replacement. However, I’m concerned that the new-fangled machines are a bit like trying to operate our you beaut all-in-one TV remote. It’s all too complex!! When it comes to sewing machines, I just want to put my foot down and go for it. Keep it simple stupid.

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